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From a Complex Medical Mom: Letter to My Child’s Doctors

Alethea Mshar
Special needs mom and Blogger
10/24/17  9:57 AM PST
complex medical mom

From a Complex Medical Mom: Letter to My Child’s Doctors

Dear Doctors,

First and foremost, let me express my appreciation. My son would not be alive without you, for that I will always be grateful. Every breath he takes is courtesy of medical science and your application of it in his case. How do I begin to express what that means to me? I realize how often I take it for granted, and treat our visits like they’re just business as usual, but I know that’s not the case. You are our hero.

complex medical mom

Next, I need you to know that I realize that I’m a “squeaky wheel”. I picture you rolling your eyes every time my email notification pops up on your computer screen. I don’t mean to be a pest, but I take the responsibility of caring for a medically complex child seriously. It might seem to you that I am needy, truth be told I am. I need your help, guidance and expertise to keep meet all of my son’s needs. Please be patient with me.

Speaking of patience, I know I demand a lot of clarification during our visits. I’m just making sure I get it right. I so often feel a bit out of my league here, and I need to be positive that I understand what you’re telling me. It always helps when you break it down into simple terms. I haven’t been through 4 years of med school, and the terminology takes some effort to understand. When you slow down and are patient with me I can feel confident that I understand you and am prepared to do everything I need to for my child.

Speaking of school, no I haven’t been to medical school, but I’ve been through years of parenting this little man. My learning curve has been steep and the tests have been life or death. I cannot put it into the lingo you use, but if you listen, I can teach you a few things too. Our relationship will be enhanced when you remember that I am a professional parent, with vast expertise in the specialty of my child. It takes both of us to give him the exceptional care that he deserves.

complex medical mom

Finally, I know that modern medicine doesn’t require kindness, that you can give excellent treatment in a businesslike fashion. I can only imagine going room to room all day long and being expected to fix the problems of dozens of people every single workday. I’m sure that some days taking the time to connect and recognize the humanity of each person behind the case drains you. It’s a lot to ask that you take the time to connect to us, but when you do, Wow!

When I know that you see my child as important, that he matters to you, not just as a time block in your day, we trust you, we believe in you; and that, dear doctor, puts the magic into your treatment.

I know this all makes me sound high maintenance, but that’s a label I’m willing to wear. My child is my top priority, and I am more than willing to be do whatever it takes on his behalf.


The Complex Medical Mom

complex medical mom


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1 Comment

  1. Grissel
    Posted January 28, 2018 at 1:48 pm PST

    Thank you this is so very true this is the word i luve than chronicly ill

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